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Merry Christmas!

Posted By Fat Freddy's Cat
Date Monday, 24 December 2018, at 7:16 a.m.

De Ebonics Crimmus Pome

Wuz de nite befo Crimmus
And all ower da hood
ereybody wuz sleeping
Dey wuz sleepin' real good.

We hunged up our stockings
An hoped like de' heck
That old Santa Clause
Be bringin' our check.

All o' de fambily
Wuz layin in de beds
While Ripple and Thunderbird
Danced through dey heads.

I passed out inna' flo'
Right nex to my Maw
When I heard sech a fuss
I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!

I looked out thru de bars
What covered my doe
'spectin' de sheriff
Wif a warrent fo sho.

And what did I see;
I said, "Lawd look at dat!"
Ther' wuz a huge watermellon
Pulled by giant warf rats.

Now ober all de years
Santa Clause, he be white
But looks liken us bros
Gets a black Santa dis nite.

Faster dan a Po'lees car
My home boy he came
He whupped on dem warf rats
An' called dem by name.

On Leroy, on Lonzo
And on Willie Lee
On Saphire, on Chenequa
Dey wuz a site to see.

As he landed dat watta'mellon
Out der in da skreet
I knowed it was fo' sho'
Da damndest site I ebber did see.

He didn't go down no chimbley
He picked da' lock on my doe
An' I sez to myself
Shit! He done dis befoe."

He had dis big bag
Full of prezents I 'xpect
Wid Air Jordans and fake gold
to wear roun' my neck.

But he left no good prezents
Jus started stealing my shit
Got my drugs, got my guns
Even got my burglars's kit.

Wit my stuff in de bag
Out da windo he flewed
I woudda' tried to catched him
But he stoled my 'nife too.

He jumped on dat wadda'mellon
An' whipped out a switch
He wuz gone in a seccon'
Dat son of a bitch!!

Next year I be hopin'
Anutha Santa we git
Cuz' diz here Santa Clause
Jus' ant' werf a shit!!!



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