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Christ Calls Off Plans For Return After Realizing It’s Been So Long It’ll Be Weird Now

Posted By The Onion
Date Monday, 12 August 2019, at 1:06 p.m.

THE HEAVENS—Admitting He would not even know what to talk about with His followers after spending two millennia apart, Christ announced Monday that He has called off plans for His return upon coming to the realization that He has been gone so long at this point that coming back “would just be weird.” “I’ve been…

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