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Pfizer Announces New Antidote For Slow-Acting Poison Currently Coursing Through Bodies Of Millions Of Americans

Posted By The Onion
Date Tuesday, 13 August 2019, at 10:30 a.m.

NEW YORK—Stressing that time is of the essence and that every heartbeat brings the nation closer to excruciating toxic death, pharmaceutical company Pfizer announced the discovery of an antidote Tuesday for the slow-acting poison currently coursing through the bodies of millions of Americans. “We at Pfizer are now…

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