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An Important Message: This Man With A Top Hat And Twisty Mustache Is Visiting Schools Warning Students About The Dangers Of Piloting Hot Air Balloons Under The Influence Of Dr. Fixit’s Vigor-Inducing Delousing Tonic And Quaffable Cure-All

Posted By The Onion
Date Friday, 12 July 2019, at 1:00 p.m.

It’s a dangerous world out there, but one intrepid educator is going around the country to make sure our nation’s youth enter that world prepared: This man with a top hat and twisty mustache is visiting schools to warn students about the dangers of piloting hot air balloons while under the influence of Dr. Fixit’s…

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