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Man Struggling To Accept Fact That He’ll Never Move Beyond Medium Salsa

Posted By The Onion
Date Thursday, 1 August 2019, at 5:20 p.m.

MARBLEHEAD, MA—Sighing as he gazed at the moderately spiced condiment on the table before him, local 34-year-old John Rawley told reporters Thursday it had been hard coming to terms with the fact that his ability to tolerate spicy foods had plateaued and he wouldn’t ever move beyond medium salsa. “All my life, I…

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