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Doctors Assure Recovering Patient He Has Many More Years Of Looking At Phone Ahead Of Him

Posted By Turd Ferguson
Date Wednesday, 23 January 2019, at 3:06 p.m.

KANSAS CITY, MO—After a biopsy determined a tumor removed from his kidney was benign, local 28-year-old Andrew Keller was reportedly reassured by doctors Wednesday that he still had quite a few years of staring at his smartphone ahead of him. “Good news: The tests came back completely negative, which means you’ll be…

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