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Stock Market Soars After Investors Decide That Would Be Fun Thing To Make Happen Today

Posted By Turd Ferguson
Date Friday, 22 February 2019, at 10:12 a.m.

NEW YORK—Attributing the gains this morning to them being “just kinda in the mood,” top Wall Street investors confirmed the U.S. stock market soared in early trading Friday after they decided it would be a fun thing to make happen. “Often, you’ll see the S&P 500 rise because of a jobs report or international trade…


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