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Teen’s Natural Drive To Murder Sexual Rivals Successfully Channeled Into ‘Super Smash Bros.’ Victory

Posted By Turd Ferguson
Date Wednesday, 27 February 2019, at 11:04 a.m.

ROCKFORD, MD—Instinctively exerting his dominance over other potential suitors through aggression and cunning, local teen Tyler Daigle successfully channeled his natural drive to murder sexual rivals into a victory at Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Ah, gotcha! Dude, you totally suck at…

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