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Jesus Announces Plans To Return Once The Dow Clears 27,000

Posted By Turd Ferguson
Date Thursday, 1 November 2018, at 12:42 p.m.

THE HEAVENS—Urging Christians nationwide to “Buy! Buy! Buy!” on Thursday, Jesus Christ, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, announced that He will come again to judge the living and the dead once the Dow clears 27,000. “Listen, my children, and I will tell you—when the NYSE closing bell rings out and the Dow Jones…

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