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Reddi-Wip Casually Announces Their Nozzles Can Easily Fit Into Most Orifices

Posted By Turd Ferguson
Date Friday, 9 November 2018, at 3:54 p.m.

CHICAGO—In a matter-of-fact press release addressed to “consumers who might be interested in this sort of thing,” ConAgra Foods informally announced Friday that their Reddi-Wip nozzles can easily fit into most orifices on the human body. “Since our founding in 1948, we’ve been committed to providing Americans with…

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