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Wealth-Burdened Nation Grateful For Opportunity to Spend Money At New Onion Store

Posted By Turd Ferguson
Date Thursday, 15 November 2018, at 1:46 p.m.

NEW YORK—Praising the media outlet for helping relieve them of their albatross, the wealth-burdened nation expressed gratitude Thursday to America’s Finest News Source for giving them the opportunity to spend money at the recently-launched Onion store. “These mugs and T-shirts bearing the Onion logo shall finally free…

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