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Report: You Have Been Selected To Make A Purchase At The Onion Store

Posted By Turd Ferguson
Date Friday, 23 November 2018, at 9:06 a.m.

CHICAGO—A report released today confirmed that you, a reader known for your discerning taste and keen intellect, have been selected to make a purchase from The Onion store. “Congratulations! America’s Finest News Source has chosen to give you, and you alone, the rare opportunity to step inside our digital store and…

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