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Johnson & Johnson Pledges To Push Uppers For Couple Decades To Even Things Out

Posted By The Onion
Date Tuesday, 27 August 2019, at 4:59 p.m.

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—After a state court found the company liable for $572 million in damages for its role in Oklahoma’s opioid crisis, consumer healthcare giant Johnson & Johnson announced Tuesday it would push uppers for the next decade or two in an effort to even everyone out. “We went way too hard on the downers,…

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