Report: Trying To Hug Oncoming Train Still Leading Cause Of Death For Nation’s Idiots

Posted By The Onion
Date Friday, 21 June 2019, at 9:29 a.m.

GENEVA—Calling the literal embrace of high-speed rail traffic “an endemic among pea-brained morons across the country,” the World Health Organization confirmed Friday that attempts at hugging oncoming trains remain the leading cause of death of idiots across the United States. “According to our research, roughly 31%…


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