Friend Group Annoyed They Never See Melissa Anymore Now That She’s Dating Guy Who Keeps Her Locked In Chamber At Top Of Tallest Tower

Posted By The Onion
Date Monday, 30 September 2019, at 11:40 a.m.

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she had been extremely flaky since meeting her new boyfriend in an enchanted forest, a local group of twentysomethings expressed annoyance Monday that they never see Melissa anymore now that she’s dating a guy who keeps her locked away in a chamber at the top of the tallest tower. “Honestly, it…


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